My Daughter, My Teacher

Last weekend my daughter was involved in shooting a pilot for a kids TV show. If the pilot makes its way successfully through focus group testing, and is picked up by a broadcaster, it will air 32 episodes this summer. We are all very excited about this! And, spending the day with the 4 children chosen to be involved was a real learning experience for me.

It reminded me of the innocence that is lost in the transition from childhood to adulthood. Unfortunately, as we grow up, we also grow out of feeling comfortable with ourselves and our abilities.

Think about how we, as adults, often behave before we have a big meeting, important presentation or some event that is very important to us. I don’t know about you, but before a large speaking event, my inner dialogue goes something like this;

- What if I forget what I am supposed to say?

- What if I remember what I am supposed to say, but nobody wants to listen to me?

- What if I come down with the flu?

- I am so nervous. I just want this to be over!

Watching my daughter, before and during the filming, was a humbling experience. None of those 4 children lost any sleep the night before. Each of them had an appetite for breakfast, and they entered the studio feeling eager to jump in! They felt completely comfortable and utterly confident! They made friends with one another instantly and saw the entire day as one big adventure. I don’t believe one of them had any feelings that they would not be able to perform as required, were not worthy of being chosen for this opportunity, or that they might somehow fail. It simply did not enter into their minds. The kids all felt so good … and they didn’t need anyone around them to help with that.

What happens to us as we age? You know, the difference between that feeling of sure-footedness, confidence and eagerness – and that feeling of fear that seems to creep in. It is hard for us to remember confidence from a place of fear, or to remember exhilaration and passion from a place of fear. They are different vibrations.

We were eager as children and it was a wonderful feeling. So, why does it change?

It changes because, as we are growing up, we are often surrounded by others who have already forgotten that the way they feel really matters. There are so many rules and so many mind-sets about the way we should behave as children and, we are often faced with people ready to stand and judge us as children if we don’t jump through their hoops in the way they think we should. And unfortunately, this is often just to make them feel better.

As adults, we know what feels good. We know what feels bad. You can reach back to some of your earliest memories and remember that first gut-wrenching feeling that you got when somebody was pointing at you or calling you names. I imagine that many of us could sit down and make a list of those kinds of experiences, where, little by little, someone tried to convince us that we were not good enough. And, in every case, it was coming from someone who had already convinced themselves that they were not good enough.

So, the question you really need to ask yourself is “How can I become so entrusting of the Law of Attraction, and so aware of my own vibrational countenance (the way I feel), that I can get back to that place where I just expect well-being to flow to me? How can I feel like I did when I was a child?”

The answer is simple, though it takes practice. Just do it. I know I sound like a shoe commercial, but it truly is that easy. Every time you make the conscious decision to move past the fear and doubt and believe in yourself…you take one more step closer to the place where the eagerness returns.

That is exactly how the children I watched last weekend felt. They were still in that place of knowing well-being. They were in vibrational alignment with who they are, and they recognize a vibrational equivalent in each other. They were tuned in, tapped in, turned on, and appear to live in an unguarded environment where they are still able to follow their hearts.

I can hear your questions and doubt from here. Even in trying to learn to let go of the doubt and fear, you analyze the situation with exactly those emotions. You’re saying:

“Shouldn’t it be different?” I say, “No. It’s perfect.”

“But shouldn’t I have been stronger, and figured out a way to stay connected when others around me were not?” And, I say, “Your own guidance system (your emotions) is as strong as it ever needed to be. Your feelings are not controllers, they are guidance.”

“But shouldn’t I have been born into a better environment, with better parents, and more supportive teachers?” I say, “You would not be who you are if you had been and who you are is wonderful.”

“But shouldn’t it have been easier along the way?” I say, “Yes, but that was up to you.”

“But shouldn’t it be easier now?” and I say “Yes, but that is up to you.”

Remember, the best position to be in is to really, really want something that you believe you can have. Thank you, my daughter, and I look forward to watching you unfold!

Learn from the young ones who haven’t forgotten. What are they teaching you?

Finally! Some "ME" Time! Now What Do I Do?

The day has finally arrived. I’ve waited all winter for it – dreamed of it, imagined it, and of course, it manifested. A day alone at the cottage! No guests, no kids, no spouse. Just me! Oh, the sweet quiet, the relaxed pace, the wonderful solace of just being alone!

Many of you know that I have spent every weekend this winter at the ski hill. So, the thought of having a day alone to myself with no schedule, no one to take care of and no deadlines was extremely appealing.

“I’m going to just stay in my pyjamas all day”, I tell myself. “Maybe I’ll read a bit, maybe I won’t. I’m going to have pancakes and whip cream for breakfast. I’m going to walk the dog on my schedule, not hers. Maybe I’ll watch a chick flick and just veg out. Maybe I’ll have a nap. It’s perfect!”

So, why doesn’t it feel perfect?

Here is the naked truth about how my day is unfolding:

I am no longer in my pyjamas. The dog has been walked (apparently she does have a schedule that can’t be ignored without involving a massive cleanup effort). I have changed the sheets on the bed (it had to be done, honestly!), called my mom and my best friend (I’ve neglected them the past few days), checked my blackberry, and made banana bread (I can’t throw out those ripe bananas, now can I?!?). I did have pancakes (no whip cream mind you), and now, here I sit, writing this blog post.

What is wrong with me??? Why can’t I slow down???

I have always been an on-the-go type of person, seldom stopping during the day. I’m highly organized. In fact, my friends joke with me that I organize them. Somehow, I believe that if I get it done today, the pressure will be off for tomorrow. Then, if I choose, I can relax tomorrow. So the question is why don’t I?

Am I going to let someone down today if I just kick back? Will you think less of me if I just take a day and be lazy?

The logical answer to these questions is an obvious NO – so what is the issue?

Is it because without action, I am alone with my thoughts, and I don’t like what I think? No, somehow that doesn’t feel right. I am getting much better at guiding my thoughts to ones that feel good when I think them, and so, I do enjoy my time alone.

I teach my clients to be selfish – but instead of the word selfish, I use the word “self-care”. And, I tell my clients that it is ok to be selfish and to practice self-care. I often site the example of travelling by plane with my daughter and how I am always instructed to place my oxygen mask on first before placing one on her – that’s pretty selfish isn’t it? But selfish equal’s self-care and I will be of no use to my daughter, or anyone for that matter, if I don’t care for myself first. When you are looking after yourself you feel good, and how you feel represents your point of attraction, which Law of Attraction is responding to. Again, logically I know that.

But, here is something I’m learning about myself. Self-care for me doesn’t necessarily have to be the day I first described in my post in order to be relaxing and rejuvenating for me. I do unwind as I putter, and walk, and bake, and write, and think – I do feel calmer. I do feel rested. I do feel better prepared for the week ahead. Even better, I feel a sense of accomplishment!

I have a belief that says, “In order to relax, I must do nothing”, but honestly, that’s not me – and I need to change that belief. It seems that my day alone has helped me to do just that.

How does it work for you? I know most of my friends don’t allow themselves much “down time”. Of course they don’t, for we attract to us what we are. Birds of a feather, as they say. But, I know there are those of you who find it difficult to get going. Tell me what works for you, and are you feeling good about it?

I’m going to stop writing now, and go relax, or maybe first I’ll just ……

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

“My kids are fighting like crazy these days,” my client recounts to me. “It’s driving me crazy! I’m not sure if intervening is the right thing to do, or if I should just let them figure it out.”

I could completely sympathize with her. While my own daughter doesn’t have a sibling to argue with, she and I do ruffle each others feathers every now and then, and I, much like my client, wonder if I am handling these interactions with her in the best way.

She is at the age where, well, let’s just say physical cleanliness is definitely more important to me than it is to her, and I find myself wondering whether my constant, persistent, commands to “bush hair please”, or “hair and teeth, please”, or “did you floss?” are really the right approach.

“Should we just let our kids go dirty, and not pressure them to brush their teeth,” my client wondered?

How should I handle this?

I used this example because it provides both a literal and figurative look at how our “dirty minds” work. Just as not cleansing our bodies will leave them dirty, not cleansing our mind will do the same. If you are constantly thinking negative thoughts, negativity is what you will receive. I call this the dirty mind syndrome.

The definition of the Law of Attraction states that whatever you give you attention, energy and focus to, you’ll get more of it, whether positive or negative. Positive thoughts or feeling (vibrations) attract more positive experiences, negative thoughts or feelings… well you know where that leads. And, you can always tell whether or not you are offering a positive vibe or a negative vibe, by the way you feel. Positive vibes always feel good, or at least provide some relief when you are offering them, which is the indicator that you are on the right track to attract whatever it is you really want.

Your emotions are like your own personal GPS system, telling you whether your current feeling (or current vibration) is positive or negative.

So, with this in mind, I asked my client, “Do you feel good when you have to repeatedly ask your children to do something?”

Her reply was an instant, “No.” I agreed with her because, I don’t feel good about it either.

I concluded, in these particular interactions with my daughter, that my negative emotions are my indicator that I was offering a negative vibe and the chances are less likely that this situation was going to go the way I wanted it to.

So, what do I want? How do I want this situation to turn out?

Well, I’d like my daughter to take more responsibility for her behaviour. I’d like her to be motivated to take action without me having to remind her.

By simply thinking these thoughts, I’ve raised my own vibration. This is a great first start and, I’ve decided I’m only going to ask her once (in a loving way). Then, I am going to back off!

I know what you’re thinking – “She’s crazy! The kid will never do it!” But, by doing this, I feel better and my daughter has to feel better. I’ve increased the likelihood of turning this situation around through my positive (clean) thoughts.

And, guess what? I have noticed an improvement! It’s not just in her cleanliness either. It has affected her actions in other areas as well. She now comes home from school, opens up her backpack, and is inspired to get her work completed – without me saying a word!!

Parenting, like so many topics, is fraught with ambiguity. Am I too strict or too slack? Do I praise my daughter too much or too little? Is she too young to watch that show with me? Too young to listen to that song? Is she already a video game addict? Will she grow up to be a good person? What is a good person?

So many questions! And, while I may not have the answer to all of them, here is what I do know. My daughter will not be cold; she will not go hungry; her hair will be tidy (somewhat); she will not smell (much); her face will be clean(ish), and I will do my best to treat her in ways that, at the end of the day, I feel ok with. And, most importantly for me – I will have a clean mind!

Are you unsure of what to do? Undecided about something? Get yourself into alignment vibrationally first (clean your mind!) then, take action.

Using the Law of Attraction is not about the conditions changing (my daughter behaving better) and then finding a better feeling in response to the changed condition. Deliberately creating your own life using the Law of Attraction is about choosing a thought that feels good when you choose it, which then causes the condition to change.

So, here’s the big question – Do you have a “dirty mind”? If so, don’t be ashamed. We’ve all been there. I encourage to share an experience where your feelings are telling you that your actions could be more negative than positive, and therefore not aligned with what you actually want - and how you can turn that around!

Blog Post Photo Courtesy of Gardner Photography - www.gardner-photo.com/

Finding the Positive in the Negative

6:00 am Saturday morning. It’s still dark, very quiet too. Everyone is still asleep and the house is still.

I grab a banana and a travel mug of green tea. No coffee for me this morning. No pancake breakfast. No wine last night. I down a glass of water and head off to get dressed. I pull on my ski clothing (which cost me a fortune, I might add – not to mention the equipment) and I mentally prepare myself for the next few hours of mental torture as I get us to the ski hill for my daughters racing program.

First, I have to wake my daughter from a sound sleep. While she likes the racing once she is at the hill, getting her there is another story altogether. It takes a calm focus to get her dressed, patiently listen to her grumbles, pack a healthy breakfast and lunch and make sure I have all the required gear packed and ready to go. Often we have to brave roads that are dark, snow packed and slippery along the way.

By the time we get on the highway, the sun is starting to peek above the horizon and the world is alive with everything other than people. It’s cold now, but soon it will warm up. We arrive at the hill right on time. I take a deep breath, unload my daughter, get her geared up and wish her luck. Now, it’s time to get myself organized. I bundle up, secure my i-Pod, insert my headphones (shhhh, don’t tell the ski patrol), and make my way to the chair for the first run. Now it is “me-time”.

I have spent the last couple of years always skiing with someone else, finding myself either trying to catch up, or waiting for someone to catch up to me. This year, with my daughter occupied for most of the day, I ended up skiing by myself a lot. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this alone time. With my head phones on, rarely do I talk with others on the chair ride up, and on the ski down I often sing to myself (sometimes loudly!). My energy is my own.

As crabby as I was and as reluctant as I seemed, it all makes sense now. I’m alone in my head, clearing out the fuzz as my skis slide across the snow, making that familiar “swooshing” sound. It’s as if they are whispering encouragement to me as I glide along. I’m pretty awesome, I begin to think.

There are a few reasons why I do this every weekend. The most important of these of course, being that it is important to my daughter. Aside from that, most of my reasons are purely selfish, like thinking I’d drop instant pounds by skiing all day Saturday and Sunday, or that after all that exercise, I would have endless energy and enthusiasm. Those things never really happened, but something else did.

My moods changed, my outlook improved, my habits altered. It was a new winter; a lighter life. There were just as many stresses and worries but I managed to “swoosh” them out of my system with each run down the hill. A whole week’s worth of worry and burden was somehow erased with a day of parallel turns. My vibration lifts.

And then there are the people. Every weekend I meet another “ski” family who, like us, spend the entire weekend at the ski hill. We fantasize about lazy weekend mornings, reading the paper and making waffles, and have our pre-ski saunas and hot tubs planned out in our heads, knowing that a warm hot chocolate, paired with the lingering effects of the high after skiing all day, is a great way to end a weekend day!

Almost through my first winter of being a “Ski Mom”, I’m not svelt and definitely not a pro skier. But, I am healthier, proud, grateful for the opportunity to ski – and happy!

What are you doing with your weekends and what effect does it have on you and how you feel? Are you finding positives in your negatives?

Sit Down, Slow Down, Calm Down

While at the ski hill last weekend, I found myself faced with a big dilemma - How to sit down, slow down and calm down while eating in the middle of a very busy chalet lunchroom? Believe it or not, it really is possible. Take a look at my video below to see how I did it. (Don't forget to watch the second video with outtakes, starring our daughter Madelyn. It's great for a Friday chuckle!)




Outtakes!

I Teach the Law of Attraction

I Teach the Law of Attraction. I teach people how to get more of what they want and less of what they don’t. What do I say to myself when I find myself attracting more of what I don’t want? My internal dialogue goes something like this:

”How can I possibly be an effective teacher, when I don’t have this perfected myself?” Believe it or not, I do have thoughts like this, more often than I care to admit.

The doubt and fear creep in when I am faced with personal struggles. For instance, if a friend and I are at odds or my husband and I aren’t seeing eye to eye on a particular topic. I think I am feeling pretty good, my vibrations feel high. I think I am focusing more on what I want, so why do I occasionally get something so different? Why isn’t my life presenting me with wonderful interaction or opportunity after wonderful interaction or opportunity?

With teaching and talking and learning and reading, slowly but surely I learn to answer my own questions. I call it contrast!

Contrast is essentially anything that shows up in your life that doesn’t feel very good. When my co-worker criticizes me, I call that contrast. Why my husband is out of sorts, I call that contrast. But, from this contrast comes clarity about what it is you really do want, and for this reason contrast is essential. You must learn to voice what it is that you want, rather than what you don’t. For instance:

“I`d like my business partner and I to want the same things and encourage and support each other.”

“I`d like my husband and I to be team players; to enjoy our time together; to uplift each other.”

In the moment you know what you don`t want, you become keenly aware of what you do want. You focus on your preferences and then they begin to draw to themselves, through the law of attraction, the essence of that which matches it. It then begins an immediate expansion.

As you pay attention to what you do want and continue to choose good feeling thoughts regarding that, you stay aligned with it. Now, it gently and easily appears in your experience – and you are well on your way to creating your desire! But, keep in mind that along with this often comes more contrast and an evolved perspective. The vibrational characteristics of you and everything about you have shifted somewhat, and you have moved into a new set of contrasting circumstances that will again inspire new preferences within you – and now, new desires emanate from you.

In the moment that you figure out that you want things to be different, it too begins to vibrationally draw towards itself, and it too expands. So now, as you continue to pay attention to the way you feel, and you choose good feeling thoughts regarding this newly born preference, you remain vibrationally aligned with it. Therefore, it gently and easily appears in your experience. Once again, you have created your desire. And, once again, you have achieved a powerful place of clarity where another new set of contrasting factors surround you – which will cause a new desire to be born ……

The point here is, you never get it all done, and things are never perfect, and that`s the way it is suppose to be!

This is how we get better. This is how life evolves. The valuable contrast continues to provide the birthing of endless new desires, and as each desire is born, the law of attraction responds to that desire. It is a never-ending, always flowing, pure, positive energy expansion.

So, I am doing it right! We are doing it right! That contrast is your pivot point, the signal, the calling, that you are now given the opportunity to move to something even greater, even better.

I am beginning to feel grateful for the contrast!

Did I Really Attract That?

Did I really do that?

The definition of the Law of Attraction states that, “whatever I give my attention, energy and focus to, I’ll get more of it, whether positive or negative”. I am at the stage of understanding the power of this Law such that when things happen in my life (either positive or negative) I take responsibility for it. I had a friend say to me (this friend was very connected to the Law of Attraction, understanding it so well),”If someone were to walk up to me and punch me in the face, I’d ask myself, what did I do to attract that?””

Most people naturally assume that if their life is not going the way they want it to go, something outside of themselves must be preventing the improvement, for no one would deliberately hold their own success away. But while pointing the blame at others may feel better than assuming responsibility for unwanted conditions, there is a very big negative repercussion to believing that something outside of you in the reason for your own lack of success. When you give the credit or the blame to another for your success or lack of it – you are powerless to make any change.

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http://www.keystolawofattraction.com/what-am-i-attracting/